Narcissism vs NPD
Before describing The actual disorder, I want to be clear that, a person can have narcissism, but not have diagnosable traits for the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Putting one’s self first, taking care one’s needs, having high esteem, self-preservation are examples of healthy narcissism. Unhealthy narcissism consists of, self-importance, self-centered attitude, grandiosity, suffocating presence, entitlement and focus on status. A person can have narcissistic traits but not suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There is also a difference between overt and covert narcissism. Overt narcissists are the dramatic people, with grandiosity that you can spot miles away. They are self-important and you better know it! Covert narcissists are less obvious characteristics and because of it, they can be very dangerous, like cancer, they kill your spirit one cancerous cell at a time. They are passive-aggressive, subtle and less secure within themselves. They seek validation from others, and fish for compliments. Though all narcissists suffer from deeply rooted insecurity, overt narcissists tend to mask it with grandiosity, while covert narcissists appear more insecure. A covert narcissist give back handed compliments, have a subtle self-importance, hold grudges and punish people who have desirable traits. Covert narcissists also have the tendency to study people whom they admire, only to punish them secretly. They can also hold a grudge for a long time, appearing to not be offended and will strike back with vengeance at the most ideal opportunity. Covert narcissists might also be obsessed with their failures or perceived flaws. For example, they may believe that people are staying up in the wee hours of the night to discuss how much they are hated.
Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
The Diagnostic Criteria describes Narcissistic Personality disorder as a pattern of grandiosity in fantasy or behavior. It is the “As if” Personality. Narcissists are also highly hypersensitive towards the evaluation of others. They lack empathy. People suffering from this disorder have a grandiose sense of self-importance, and they tend to exaggerate their accomplishments and talents and expect to be noticed as “special”. They also believe their problems are unique and can only be understood by other “special” people. They also feel their unworthiness is even special. Narcissistic people are often preoccupied with fantasies, unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love. They also have chronic envy towards others, whom they believe are more powerful, more successful, more beautiful or more special than they are. Contrary to that, they will degrade or demise people who they deem as less intelligent, less powerful, less successful, less beautiful, less popular, less successful, etc. Narcissistic individuals have fragile self-esteem. While everyone has their fragile, insecure areas, which they are not comfortable in, the difference between being insecure about certain flaws one possesses and having a fragile sense of self is, lacking self-worth beneath the surface of narcissistic grandiosity. Narcissists may also ruminate over how well they are doing and how they are regarded by others. They can appear to be exhibitionistic, in need for constant attention and admiration. They constantly fish for compliments. They react to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation and sometimes mask their feelings with indifference. Usually, while pursuing goals they are driven with ambition that can never be satisfied. Many of their relationships are disturbed, due to a lack of empathy, and inability to recognize how others may feel. They usually have a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment, such as, believing he/she does not have to wait in line, when others must or that they deserve special treatment. Interpersonal exploitative behavior, in which they take advantage of others, in order to achieve their personal goals is common. Friendships are often made after the person considers how he/she can profit from another. In romantic relationships, the partner is often treated as an object or trophy to meet one’s needs or uplift one’s self esteem. Narcissists lack empathy into others feelings, behaviors and may not understand why someone who is grieving or depressed may lack motivation to do something. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder exploit people for self-aggrandizement and power.
Now that you’ve learned the professional diagnostic criteria , let’s get into some fun material!
Sociopaths Mistaken for Malignant Narcissist:
Malignant Narcissists are often mistaken for being sociopaths, due to their cunning, crafty behavior, while also appearing sociopathic. Other reasons people mistake them for being sociopathic are, being highly manipulative, having little to no remorse, insistent on desires being met, monopolizing conversations, belittling others they perceive as inferior, sadistic behavior, demeaning characteristics, weak sense of self and projecting their bad behavior onto others. Usually when people label others as narcissists, or narcissistically abusive, they are normally describing a malignant narcissists. Malignant Narcissists are the people that make our lives a living hell! They can be tormenting, monsters to be exact. They can be pretty sadistic, because deep inside, their sense of core, so weak and self-esteem so low, they unconsciously get off on poking, to evoke reactions. Malignant narcissists have what C.G. Jung referred to as, “extroverted intuition”. While C.G. Jung described internal intuitives, as those who are born with a natural discernment and ability to understand things, extroverted Intuition is described as, being able to sense things, for the use of one’s gain. Narcissists, sociopaths and criminals are usually extroverted intutives, because they know exactly how to target their victims, capture and devour them. Malignant narcissists may appear psychic, but they are not. They are simply using a similar tactic that predators use to break victims down. Narcissists are very cognizant of facial expressions, body language, micro expressions, etc. They also test boundaries to learn your vulnerabilities. These traits make them good at what they do. It may feel like they know exactly how to bait people, but they are just good at picking up on the needs, vulnerabilities, weaknesses and strengths of others. They choose so wisely that, they will avoid and demonize people whom they can’t prey upon and gravitate towards people they can. In fact, anyone who gives into them is considered potential prey. Many people confuse sociopathy and malignant narcissism because there is some cross over. A person cannot be sociopathic, without being narcissistic but a narcissist can be narcissistic, without being a sociopath. A sociopath is conscious of their behavior. They seek power, by being manipulative, lying, lacking morals/conscious, sometimes breaking laws and usually has a hard time being a citizen in society or keeping a job. A narcissist, on the other hand, may be manipulative, lack a conscious but they are capable of keeping a job and ruining people’s lives unconsciously because there behavior is to only maintain their ego and low self- esteem.
Malignant Narcissists Deepest Fears:
Malignant narcissists simply have castration syndrome or fear of ego death. They feel as small as they make others feel. Plain and simple, they are energy vampires. They seek energy, source and fuel from others, because they lack a core. They are simply using people for narcissistic supply. They are capable of mocking, imitating, character assassinating, due to having an unconscious desire to kill their victims off, figuratively, and become them. They have an unconscious desire to kill your spirit and become you. Narcissists are not aware of this and would certainly deny it, if you brought it to their attention, due to their lack of insight and empathy. Narcissists are proficient for projecting their undesirable traits onto others. Due to Narcissists having a false self, and a fear of being discovered for it, they hide their true selves, not only from others, but even themselves. Being confronted brings about shame and humiliation and makes them feel seen, so they project their undesirable traits onto others to protect their fragile egos.
Games Malignant Narcissists Play:
They have a tendency to play switch and bait games, such as, reeling you in for the kill and then the devour. They may be texting with you and or having a good conversation, only to say, “I gotta go” , or a text “I’m with a client, can’t talk now” or texting back and forth with you, only to get a message 2 seconds later, which says “I am driving with do not disturb while driving turned on. I’ll see your message when I finish driving”. Of course they never return your call and never pick up on the left off conversations. Malignant narcissists see people as objects of means to get their needs met. Intermittent Reinforcement is a term used to describe a reward or punishment, which is not administered every time the desired response is performed. In other words, when desired behavior is performed, sometimes people are given a desired response and sometimes they are ignored. When intermittent reinforcement occurs, it has a tendency to prolong behavior and keep people hooked, like bait. Why? Because it causes one to look for reward where there isn’t one and seek consistency of the reward. Malignant narcissists are proficient for using this tactic because this tactic leads to their infamous, “withholding affection”, “withdraw from love objects” and “non-verbal responses”. Malignant narcissists withhold affection, love, support and congratulatory responses to demean others and maintain power. Intermittent reinforcement keeps a person in a relationship with a narcissists past the expiration date. If the relationship was meant to end days later, their techniques hook you for weeks. If the relationship was intended to end weeks later, they prolong it with their tactics for months. The more crafty a malignant narcissists is will determine their relationships extending for years. If the malignant narcissists also has psychopathic traits, they will be skillful enough in prolonging a relationship for decades.
Aggressive Malignant Narcissist:
How do you know when you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist? Well, for one they can be aggressive towards people who narcissistically injure them. They can be vindictive, holding grudges and making sure you pay for their emotional injuries. They also have a tendency to act out with a verbal lashing or smudge campaign, to ruin your reputation. Another tactic they use is, gaslighting. Gas lighting is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can involve any of the following: screaming at a person, personal insults, cursing at a person and constantly rejecting an individual’s thoughts, ideas and opinions. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, due to its ability to manipulate emotions, as a result, eliciting emotional doubt. It results in crazy making, because it’s intent is for you to doubt your feelings and thoughts, and even your own sanity, by manipulating the truth, playing like dumb fox, name calling and twisting facts. Examples of a person gaslighting you are: “What are you talking about? I don’t even know what that means”. “Are you sure you feel that way; no one else feels that way but you; so it must be you”; “You’re the first person to say that”; “Why do you feel that way”; “I’m sorry YOU feel that way”; “Denial-“it’s all in your head”; “I don’t want to hear what you have to say” and “That may or may not be true”. Malignant narcissists may be very competitive as well, using any and every opportunity to try and one up you. A simple sharing moment of success and or happiness, is perceived as, flaunting or bragging, which leads to a competitive response. An example of this is, you have a baby and share photos, and they try to compete by sending you pictures of themselves at a resort. Aggressive narcissists might be verbally abusive, by brutally attacking you with words, insulting you or your intelligence, belligerent speech and making you to feel stupid. When feeling narcissistically injured, there is a tendency for malignant narcissists to sometimes react with physical abuse, by either closing in on your personal space and or laying hands on you. An injury to a malignant narcissist is like a kick in the gut. It hurts them to the core, so they hurt you.
Malignant Narcissist Projecting:
Malignant narcissist project their undesirable traits onto others and have a way of introjecting their thoughts, feelings and behaviors onto others, and once you collude plus identify with their projections, it becomes a projective identification. It’s all a part of the crazy making. Due to malignant narcissist being so disassociated from their true identify and living within their false self, projecting their identity onto others comes very easy. If they had insight, they wouldn’t be who they are. A person on the high end spectrum of projecting is a person with little to no insight into their thoughts, motivations and behaviors.
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