Analyzing the Trend of Dating Outside the Race

I’ve been reflecting on the dating trends among Black Americans. Black men date outside their race, leading Black women to explore diverse dating options. After waiting for Black men to reciprocate, many women find themselves exploring other opportunities. This shift is evident in the statistics, revealing a disparity between the number of single Black American men and women. It raises concerns about the low marriage rates within the African American community.

Marriage Disparities in the African American Community

• In the U.S., there are about 20 million Black American men and 21 million Black American women.
• Out of these, 8.5 million Black women and 8 million Black men are single.
• In 2020, only 30% of African Americans were married, compared to 48% of all Americans.
• About 50% of African Americans have never been married, while only 34% of all Americans have never been married.

This disparity in marriage rates reveals deeper issues. Questions arise regarding societal issues, lack of viable options, and genuine disinterest. Many Black men are not spiritually grounded, educated, or mentally stable, leaving Black women marginalized in their quest for marriage. Should they wait for a fantasy or explore outside their culture?

If Black men are not marrying Black women, and many of them have no issue marrying others, who will marry the Black woman? Black women rarely branch out of their culture for suitable partners, and the years of mother-bearing are of significance. Should she wait on a fantasy? It makes me wonder if she is recently divorced and/or desiring a good-time guy; the Black American male is the right choice but if she is desiring marriage, she may have to date outside of her culture or race. Men of other Black cultures and other races are more likely to value marriage. If Black American people do not begin marrying as they once did, the culture is at risk of falling apart, completely. In this blog, we further explore dating trends among Black Americans and how faith can be restored in these relationships.

Addressing Key Challenges in Relationships

Spiritual Alignment

Encourage Black men to align with spiritual values like integrity, empathy, and compassion. Purpose found in God fills voids, insecurities, and promotes a stronger value for marriage.

Sociopathic/Narcissistic Traits

Black men often show traits of narcissism or sociopathy due to powerlessness.  Advocating for self-reflection and seeking professional help is exhibiting traits of healthy healing and restoration of dignity.

Respect for Black Mothers

In my observations, many Black American men seem to suffer from a “mother wound”. It appears many of their mothers were either not soft enough, didn’t give them enough attention, and or weren’t loving enough. They project these feelings of worthlessness onto all women, expecting much from every woman. Healing intergenerational trauma is the key to overcoming this.

Empowering Black Women

Black men must recognize internalized biases in dating trends among Black Americans and foster mutual respect and partnership to heal unaddressed trauma.

Ownership and Entitlement

Some Black men feel entitled to “own” Black women and are taken aback when they date outside the race. It’s as if Black men have an expectation of all Black women to be loyal, faithful and give him the love and attention he never recieved from his mother. Cultivating a mindset of equality and mutual respect is crucial.

Communication and Understanding

Promote open communication and emotional intelligence in relationships, encouraging empathy and active listening.

Courting and Romance

I notice a lack of romance and courtship in dating trends among Black Americans, especially with Black American men. Asking a woman to “Netflix and chill” implies that she is not worthy of romance or chivalry. Emphasizing genuine connection, respect, and reciprocity is crucial.

Commitment and Emotional Availability

I know a Puerto Rican woman who told me ” Hispanic men love you too much and Black men don’t love you enough”. I have never forgotten her words because there is a tone of emotional unavailability with Black men. Black men should prioritize emotional availability and commitment to foster trust, stability, and long-term partnership.

Personal Growth and Self-Reflection

Encourage self-awareness and personal growth, reflecting on behavior and striving for emotional maturity.

Generosity and Giving

The Bible addresses being equally yoked because only iron can sharpen iron. Encouraging a spirit of generosity and reciprocity in relationships, where both partners actively contribute to each other’s well-being and growth is not only emotionally mature, but it is also fair.

Marriage Readiness

I often notice arrested development among Black American women and Black American men. The intimacy vs isolation stage, occurring between ages 13-18 years, is a developmental stage coined by Psychologist “Erick Erickson”. This stage is prevalent for exploring romantic bonds, and emotional development, as it pertains to sexuality and romance. When this stage is successfully completed, one moves on to the next stage of development. When this stage is not successful, one becomes stagnant and repeats the stage, while still aging, physically, which is apparent in the communication style, and development of romantic connections amongst Black Americans. 

The arguments about gender roles, gender stereotypes, toxic masculinity, and effeminate behaviors displayed by Black women do not demonstrate the emotional maturity of mature adults. I often notice Black men sexualizing and objectifying Black women, similar to teenage boys with raging hormones. May we rise above emotional stuckness, unhealed wounds and arrested development. Promote holistic marriage readiness, including emotional maturity, financial stability, and a genuine commitment to lifelong partnership.

Final Thoughts

To restore strong relationship and marriage dynamics, Black men and women must work together to address challenges, heal wounds, and nurture positive relationships built on trust, respect, and mutual support.

You can read more about Black culture in my blog.